Your mom and I were talking, and we feel like we made this great breakthrough in understanding some people in our lives. We realized that we have friends who we fully accept, but who do things that we don’t really like. Some people struggle with us because we tell them that we love them but don’t agree with them on X subject.
Maybe, what they don’t like is that we call them out for where they are inconsistent in what they say they believe or in how they treat other people. The point is they freak out about us not liking them or them actually doing something that someone else thinks is wrong. [People don’t like to admit they are wrong or do things wrong.]
What they don’t understand is that we can accept a person (or love a person) even when they do stupid things or do things we don’t agree with or believe a certain way that we don’t believe.
A mature adult can be friends with someone who disagrees with them…but there are a lot of people that cannot do this.
I believe there are levels of acceptance. Your mom and I talk about our inner circle, and I believe that we have (and you will have) friends at different levels of friendship. It’s like circles around you. Maybe, right now, mom and I are your inner circle. Then, you have the next level out that could be your close friends like W or L. Then, things go out from there.
Sometimes, bringing a friend (or girlfriend) around the inner circle immediately disqualifies them from being in the inner circle. What I’m trying to say is this. When I dated women in college, I found that bringing them home made me realize they were not right for me, but sometimes, I didn’t even need to bring them home. I just needed to bring them around my friends.
My dad gave me good advice about finding a wife. He said, “Every woman is going to do things you don’t like. You have to find the one who whose things you don’t like are things you can live with the rest of your life.”
Nobody is going to agree with you 100% of the time, and you need to realize that is ok. Some things aren’t black and white, but you need to clearly define what is black and white and why they are. [The world these days wants you to think that some things aren’t black and white, but they are. You are either a male or female…it’s black and white. It’s science.]
Then, you need to decide where you stand on the grey areas and why. ALWAYS BE ABLE TO SAY WHY YOU THINK OR BELIEVE A CERTAIN WAY! If you don’t know, say you don’t know. Ask for time to make an opinion.
People will try to make you think a certain way! Don’t be bullied into doing something or thinking a certain way. It’s your life. You decide. Don’t ever let someone else decide for you.
pTm 