pTm

Simply put, my blog is for my boys.

My primary goal in writing this blog is to transfer my knowledge, experience, and instruction to my two boys.  If somehow, I am able to help some other dad, son, mom, or daughter…great!  If not, that’s ok.

If somehow, I offend you because I don’t believe like you believe…I don’t care.  I’m not your dad.  Leave.  I’m not here to impress you.  I’m not here to be politically correct.  My goal is to simply put down in writing things I have taught, wanted to teach, or hoped my boys could learn from me.

Now, that my disclaimer is out of the way, I do have a basic premise that I intend to follow, and this is the premise of the importance of family.  Who do you go to when good things happen?  Family.  Who do you go to when you lose a job or have some other tragedy?  Family.  Who stands by you in the darkest times?  Family. 

I’ve been learning about family offices for retaining wealth in a family.  I have very little wealth, but what I like about some of the things I’ve been learning is that a good family office sets out a manifesto or guidelines for what it means to be part of the family.  You might say that my goal for this blog is to set up a family manifesto, or some guidelines for future generations.

My belief is that this family should provide the basic support that can propel a young person into the world.  This blog is the documentation that my boys, their kids, and their kids’ kids can look at for feedback or basic understanding on any number of subjects.

Yep, I’ve already offended some people.  Some people’s families suck.  Listen, my closest friend is my wife.  My dad was my best man at my wedding.  Still, my wife and I have quite a few people that we consider family without any blood relation.  We rely on these people to provide that familial support I am talking about…sometimes as much or more as we rely on our own parents.

Family can be replaced.  Not easily.  Not perfectly.  Still, it can be done.  Family (or healthy community) is crucial to becoming a successful adult.  Building a successful family can be done, even if you come from a broken family. 

My dad came from an alcoholic, abusive family.  He greatly improved on it and was extremely loving with my sister and me.  That foundation of love is what is part of who I am and what makes me want to write this blog.

It is my belief that boys need a man to, positively, influence them.  Without a father, or a father figure (a man), how does a boy know how to become a man?  How does a boy know he is going the right direction?  How does a boy know when he is a man?

I’m not here to bash mothers.  Mothers, and grandmothers, are doing great, but some are forced to do something that the fathers are supposed to be doing.  I could go into all the problems we are having because boys are not becoming men, but detailing the problems in our society is not the point to this blog.  It’s time the fathers step up, and this is me stepping up for my boys.

My goal here is to document things that my boys need to be a successful man.  So, it’s more than just having a father or a father figure.  It is important for a boy to have a healthy, loving relationship with a man.  One that is safe, honest, and has intentional dialogue. 

I’m not saying it needs to be a perfect man…nobody is perfect, least of all me.  I’m saying a man willing to provide honest, healthy communication. 

Honestly, it takes more than one man.  I can think of many men that have influenced my boys, and I am extremely grateful for their contributions.  But when the boys come back to me, I help them interpret and understand the context of what these other men have contributed.

Isn’t that really what a father is?  He’s a guide.  An interpreter of the world…putting experiences and life into context.  That’s my goal and the goal of this blog.  To provide context for my boys as they journey through life.

Or, maybe, I want to be the trampoline for my boys. 

When they were little, my boys loved our trampoline.  We would jump on it, together, all the time.  It was a place to giggle, laugh, and in general have fun.  It was also a safe place where I would share with my boys, and they would share with me. 

I want to be the mat that springboards them into the world, but the same mat that catches them after a really, high jump.  I want to be the place where they can giggle, laugh, have fun and share their experiences.

I can’t teach my boys everything they are going to need to know.  However, I can teach them the basic principles for being a man of integrity, honesty, and success.

I plan to break my blog up into different subjects or categories.  There are a lot of skills I will blog about, but ultimately, my goal is to teach the principles of being a man.  I want to provide the context for all things. 

For example, I grew up being told that a gentleman holds the door for females.  I still agree with this, but these days that just pisses off some women.  As I like to do with my boys, I want to dig a little deeper.  The goal here isn’t to hold the door for a lesser person…I don’t want my boys ever thinking that a woman (or man) of any color, race or religion is lesser.

The real context of holding the door is kindness.  Honestly, shouldn’t they hold the door for anyone that is behind them?  Shouldn’t they be kind whenever they can?

I want my boys to operate out of a fullness of heart.  When you are full, you are confident.  Confident in being loved.  Confident in knowing your place in your family.  Confident that you can do what needs to be done…whatever it is. 

Men that operate out of a fullness will demonstrate love and kindness for their fellow man and woman.  That means they will hold doors for other people, women and men.  That means they will celebrate other’s successes.  That means they will mourn other’s failures.  Health, productive men who can temper masculinity, toughness, gentleness, and love altogether into a caring, productive person.